Purpose

By Edwin

I have been thinking lately a lot about purpose. Not only has it been the subject of the last two weeks of sermons, but also because I'm hitting an important stage in my "career path".

This semester, I'm taking three sociology classes, one teaching pedagogy seminar, GSIing (teaching) a world history course, and planning on finishing my MA (masters) thesis. It's... well, a lot to tackle in one semester. So whenever I find myself more or less moving from one thing to the next (being uber busy), I do a quick check to see if my priorities are in line and to make sure that everything I'm doing has meaning. After all, if time becomes a scarce resource, I better be using it efficiently =P.

But this time around, reflecting on purpose in the things I'm doing has been rather complicated. I think one of the main complications I am running into is that being a graduate student is like dating: you're not just friends, and you're not married yet either; you're "in process." Graduate students aren't really just students, but we're not employed to be students either. It's a weird medium that is truly throwing me off here.

As a student, I know that the purpose of my classes is to prepare me for the future. But a PhD program isn't really quite like a regular student program. For starters, I'm expected to be trained to become a professor/academic. This means the system tends to push you towards a specific career goal, which entails lots of publishing, reading, and networking for the sake of your future job. Also, the classes are structured so that you hold yourself responsible for completing the readings, assignments, and essays; you pretty much can't get lower than an A- in any class unless you really just don't try. So you truly make the program whatever you want it to be. You can take lots of classes, or the bare minimum. You can work a lot as a graduate student assistant, as a researcher, as a teacher, or not at all. You can aim to publish a lot, or literally not at all. But despite all this supposed freedom, the system, and all the people in it, are moving in one direction: to train you to become a stellar, publishing, research-based professor.

As an employee, I know that the purpose of my work is to provide for my family and to fulfill my calling/passion (to "rule" over my work and reflect God in what He has entrusted me with). Although this is definitely true in my GSIing (teaching), it gets complicated if applied to my status as a graduate student (which I am arguably being paid to be through fellowship money from the university). My "job" is to learn, and because the system is geared for a particular type of training, my "work" then is to become what the system wants to make of me... and that certainly doesn't sit well with me.

Although I haven't quite decided yet whether or not I'll finish my program and whether or not I want to be a full-fledged academic professor, I have decided that I'm not interested in knowledge for knowledge sake. A big part of academia is building upon previous knowledge, theories, and findings. In my time here at Berkeley, I've realized that the simple progression of knowledge is of absolutely no interest to me.

Instead, I am here because I want to make a difference in the lives of real people. For me, that is what it's always been about from the beginning, and this past week, I was reminded of that. Whether it is through teaching college students, mentoring youth, publishing important action-changing findings, or writing my thoughts out for others to read, it has always been about learning what I can do to help others... learning what I can do to love others.

Through talking with Elanor and a few others, it's slowly becoming clear that I shouldn't just follow the ways of the system, even if I am sort of paid to be a student, that doesn't mean that I work for the system and that certainly doesn't mean that I should become a product of it either. Instead, as I spend the next year or so tracing out my career path, I'll focus not on being a student or an employee, but just being a person, or more specifically, a follower of Christ. And as a follower, I know exactly what my purpose is...